Tuesday, November 02, 2004

God exists

"haish this is the first time im facing such a dilema man... im supposed to be going for the eoy chiangmai trip thingy w the interact club and stuff... but suddenly so much crap has arisen and i dunno why but my mum suddenly is kinda advising me not to go... if it was in the past this wouldnt have been a problem to me at all man.. i would have just gone on w my decision not giving two hoots abt my mum's opposition... but now, that i've believed in Him, and made a promise to Him that i would honour my parents, i dunno but i just cant bring myself to simply go against my parents' will.. but its kinda hard to convince them fully also.. so most prob i would have to end up not going i guess... ): haish ive been lookin forward to this trip fer like DEM long lor.. since like half a yr ago or sth?? and there've been so many ups and downs... we encountered so many setbacks but eventually we managed to clear all the obstacles and gained permission from the schl to carry on w e trip... and i know mrs tay has done alot for this trip, so i really really wanna go.. but i cant simply insist on going knowing that my mum wldnt be too happy about it.. so i really dunno.. ive been prayin really hard but im still not sure what He has in plan for me... oh well if im not fated to go, then i wont... perhaps it might be a blessing in disguise? owell i shall just use tt to console myself in e meanwhile i guess... "

okay that's what i wrote like one week ago or sth but i saved it as a draft as i thought tt perhaps i shouldnt write such personal stuff on a team blog thingy.. but since teo has said its okay, yeah i decided to share abit of my experience with God... in the incident above, what actually happened was that i wanted to go very badly, but i knew my mum wasn't too keen about it... then at the same time i was talkin to joshua online... then after that, i went to my room and kinda prayed a little about it because joshua and mrs tay told me to do so.. yeah so i did and i prayed... at first i wasnt really too serious about the praying as i didnt really believe in it TT much? as in yeah i did believe tt God was there but i kinda doubted tt He could help in this case..? and during praying i asked God... i asked Him: "Lord i really really wanna go for this trip... i really do... and i hope that You will talk to my mum and convince her to let me go... if i can go, pls let there be some sign of some sort... like a star in e sky outside... (more)" yeah so after tt i looked out into the sky.. the sky was very very cloudy and dark... i looked everywhere but could not find a single spot of light, much less a star... but nonetheless i still went out of my room and asked my mum and she kinda hinted no..?

yup so i was vv sad.. i went back to my room and cried a little... i just couldnt concentrate on studying and i just lay in my bed and started prayin really really hard... i was smsin my fren and mrs tay and they both kinda cheered me up and mrs tay told me to pray really really hard cos everytime she prayed God would answer her prayer... so i did.. and i prayed REALLY REALLY hard... and i asked God the same question and for the same sign again if He allowed me to go... and after much crying and praying, i walked to my window... and just before i opened the window to look out again from my room, i made one last heartfelt prayer and begged God to answer my prayer... and when i looked out, there it was, one bright shiny star that really shone with tremendous brightness, more than any other star i've seen... and im not lying here... the star REALLY appeared and it really brought a smile to my face... i prayed again and gave thanks to God, thanking Him for always being there for me everytime... the star might have been a coincidence, but i choose to think otherwise because i have faith in Him...

the next day, my mum spoke to mrs tay and after much discussion and stuff (im skipping the details here), mrs tay walked out of the staffroom and approached me.. (i was having chinese then in school with mrs lau) and she told me that my mum finally allowed me to go... mrs tay told my mum that she shared all her experiences with God regarding this trip as well with my mum and my mum finally relented... mrs tay also told me tt she experienced many setbacks in this trip, but everytime all she did was to pray and God would answer her prayers... that was what i remembered... and its really really so so magical, that God would answer my prayers everytime... and i mean it, everytime... everytime, be it about exams or friendships or trouble or anything at all, whenever i have a problem, i would just pray really really hard and He would answer my prayers... that was what ive learnt from reading a book "Purpose Driven Life" (the first and only book ive read this yr) and im so glad my fren recommended this book to me but things between us now are err.. :/

oh well yup im just really thankful to her for that and anyway, the point here is that whenever i have any problem, i would turn to Him and He would solve them for me everytime without fail.... i thank the Lord for His grace and wonder... (: okay its quite hard for me to share all my experiences with God here but yeah all i wanna say is that He does really exist and getting to know Him this year thru leehoo and my church people was really the biggest and most important change in my life... previously, ive been really really bad and stuff, always doing mean things to others without considering how they feel etc.. but after converting, ive really learnt tt we should treat others the way we want them to treat us.. that is the reason why i try my best not to ostracise people but ive definitely failed to achieve complete success in tt aspect but ill continue trying...

oh well its dinnertime for me now ill write more next time if i can.. but anyway just remember that God does exist and He watches EVERYTHING we do and there's nothing we can hide from Him, so think twice before everything you do... and i sincerely hope tt for all you guys out there who haven't got to know Him, im not demanding that you believe in Him but yeah just at the very least dun be sceptical about Him and stuff k... cos its really rude and wrong..? yeah that's all for now... and to end off here's a very interesting quote:

Grace is when we get what we deserve,
Mercy is when we don't get what we deserve
(profound right? ill explain some other time..)

tokalina spoke at 6:35 PM

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